Lights, camera, accident!
by agentd200
Summary: This is my first fan fic, so be kind! Basically, the fellowship are picked by a director to star in 'The Fraud Of The Rings!'
1. Intro!

Lights, camera, accident!  
  
Hey this is my first fan fic. The chapters are quite short, but I hope you'll read and like them anyway. Here's the intro:  
  
Once upon a time....  
  
Hmmm.think we'll change that.  
  
Legolas, Aragorn, Gimli, Boromir, Gandalf, Merry, Pippin, Frodo and Sam (otherwise known as the Fellowship) were just minding their own business. What I mean is:  
  
Legolas was polishing his bow, Aragorn was snogging Arwen in a corner, Gimli was talking to his axe and covering it in spit, Boromir was annoying Gandalf, Gandalf was losing it and hitting Boromir with his staff, Merry and Pippin were discussing mushrooms, Frodo was picking his teeth and Sam was nearby with some dental floss ready to aid Frodo.  
  
Man they live a sad life. But then it brightened up!  
  
Out of nowhere, this man in shorts and a t-shirt walks up to them and says:  
  
"Hello! I'm a director. Jack Peterson is my name, and I was wondering if you'd consider starring in a movie I'm making. It's called The Fraud Of The Rings!"  
  
And that's where it all began.  
  
How was that for an intro? Alright? I hope so. Anyway, in the following chapters, each member of the fellowship goes for an audition for their part in the movie. Unfortunately, their auditions don't go to well! 


	2. Legolas' mistake

Lights, camera, accident!  
  
Here's the 2nd chapter (and it's gonna be longer than the intro!)  
  
Legolas is auditioning for the part of Leggy-lulu.  
  
"CUT!!!"  
  
"What? What'd I do wrong?"  
  
"You numskull! You shot the producer! Now he's got an arrow in his butt!"  
  
"Isn't that out of Shrek?"  
  
"AARGH!"  
  
As you can see, things weren't going well for Legolas or the director. Or the producer!  
  
"S'not my fault! My finger twitched!"  
  
"Maybe we'll cut the archery scenes out of the film"  
  
"What? But then all I get to do is nance about like a sissy!"  
  
"But that's what you are, isn't it? *smirk*"  
  
"No I'm telling. MUUUUUUUUUUUUM!"  
  
"I just love upsetting sissys!"  
  
*turns to producer*  
  
"Well we better get that arrow outta your butt"  
  
5 minutes later..  
  
"YOUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" 


	3. Aragorn's fighting mistake!

Lights, camera, accident!  
  
This is chapter 3 - a page about Aragorn's mistake!  
  
"NO NO NO! What the hell was that?"  
  
"It was my sword chopping down all of the mechanical stuff hanging from the ceiling. Duh. Even Gimli would've known that."  
  
"*breathing heavily* O.k..stay calm...*cockily* those lights only cost £5000!."  
  
"Oh. So not much then."  
  
"AAARGH!"  
  
"What? Did you see an orc?"  
  
"Maybe we'll just cut the sword fighting scenes from the film."  
  
"What! But then all I'll be able to do is snog Arwen! Oh, hang on, that's good! More time to do that!"  
  
"No, Arwen is not in this film."  
  
"WHAT! Now you're really peeing me off! How can you not allow the star of the film to have a girlfriend?"  
  
"Err..you're not the star, Frodo is."  
  
"W.WH.WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
How was that then? Please review! More action with Gimli in part 4! 


	4. Gimli's spit mistake!

Lights, camera, accident!  
  
This time Gimli, who is auditioning for the part of Giblin, seems to disgust everyone with his manners.  
  
"EURGH!"  
  
"What? *spit*"  
  
"That's what. Every time you say a line, you SPIT!"  
  
"That is an outrage! *spit*"  
  
"Then why are the producers and myself covered in SPIT???"  
  
"Perhaps it rained.*spit*"  
  
"AAARGH!"  
  
"Yeah I know, Aragorn can be so frustrating sometimes! *spit*"  
  
"No! Look, I think we'll just cut the Giblin talking scenes from the film."  
  
"What? But then all I can do is spin my axe around! *spit*"  
  
"Oh god. Another weapon. I think we'll take the axe of you and provide you with something safer!"  
  
"I will be dead before I see my axe in the hands of a director! *spit*"  
  
"Oh.I see.*points over Gimli's shoulder* Look, it's Galadriel! *Gimli turns and quick as a flash, the director takes his axe*  
  
"Hey! *spit* That was trickery! I will get you back for this, I mean it. You haven't heard the last of Gimli son of Gloin! Oh no, he'll be back, back with weapons and-*gets interrupted by the director, who has shoved him over to the exit*"  
  
"What are you doing? *spit*"  
  
"I'm kicking you out."  
  
"Oh no you're not *spit* Nobody tosses a dwarf!"  
  
*Gimli gets booted up his backside*  
  
"YOOOOOOUCH!" 


	5. Boromir's death mistake!

Lights, camera, accident!  
  
Authors note: Gwaihir, thanks 4 ur review. I haven't had time to do a nu chapter lately, but I finally buckled down to it and got it done - so here it is, Boromir's mistake!  
  
x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x  
  
Boromir, auditioning for the part of Bothering, seems to be having difficulty with how to die properly.  
  
"NO!"  
  
*Boromir sits up* "What'd I do?"  
  
"When you are dead, you do not speak!"  
  
"I thought you said you were finished filming!"  
  
"No, I wasn't. So now all I have is a bit of tape with a death scene on it, that halfway through has you sitting up and saying: 'Are we done yet?'!"  
  
"So we were done then?"  
  
"AAARGH!"  
  
"Oooh, good death scream, I'll have to remember that."  
  
"Once more, from the top!"  
  
*Boromir gets into position*  
  
"And action!"  
  
"AAAARGH!" *Boromir falls over and pretends to be dead* "So how was that?"  
  
"CUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"Wahoo, I did it!"  
  
"NO! NO YOU DIDN'T! I was not finished filming! And you spoke. AGAIN!"  
  
"Ooops. Was I not meant to?"  
  
*taking deep breaths* Look, maybe I'll just cut the death scene from the film!"  
  
"What? But then all I get to do is say: 'Oh Frodo, give me the ring. Bad Frodo. Give me the ring!" What a load of parp!" "Actually, you don't have any lines. You're just supposed to die."  
  
"WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox  
  
There ya go! Boromir's part doesn't look to pleasing does it!!! Next up is Gandalf! 


End file.
